Pedicures

We hate getting our toenails clipped. A lot. We mean REALLY hate it. A LOT. We squirm. We squeal. We scream. And still, Mommy tries to clip our toenails. Sure, we don’t like having long nails. They make it harder to walk, and sometimes they even hurt our pads. But, having our toenails clipped is much worse. Pooka squirms and fights so much that Mommy breaks out in a sweat. Emma bites Mommy's hands. And, Chloe just screams. Mommy says Chloe sounds like what she imagines a hawk would sound like if you were ripping off its wings.

But, Mommy got this new thingy that files our nails instead of clipping them. We really didn’t like it at first. But, then we don’t really like anything new at first. Especially something that makes a funny noise. And, most especially anything that touches our toenails. But, Mommy used it, and it really wasn’t that bad. Well, after we let her actually use it. After we stopped squirming and squealing and screaming. She let us get used to it by tapping our nails. And you know what? It didn't even hurt!

But, that still doesn't mean we like having our nails done. Now, maybe if Mommy painted flowers on our nails like some ladies get...that might make it better. Or butterflies. No wait...cookies. NO WAIT... CHEETOS. Yay, we could have CHEETO FINGERS! Then we'd let Mommy do our nails anytime.

Lucky 13

Chloe & Emma: Pooka turned 13 on October 19. She’s old. Well, she was already old, but now she’s just ancient. Mommy got Cheetos for Pooka’s birthday. But, we butted in and made sure we got some, too. But, oops, Mommy ran out before she realized it and we got more than Pooka. Sorry, Pooka. (Not really, but since it was your birthday, we kinda had to say it.)

Pooka: I'm not old, although my bones kinda feel old, lately. I like to stay in bed as long as I can because when I get up, I kinda walk stiffly. But, I've outlasted everyone's expectations. So, there! So, I'm lucky 13 now. But, I did get unlucky on the Cheetos. Getting gypped...ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!

WE GOT TO SEE JENNA!!!!!!!!!!!

(Mommy took too long to post this. We saw Jenna several weeks ago.)

Emma: Mommy took us in the car…

Chloe: We thought we were going to the place where Mommy speaks into the box and then they give her coffee…

Pooka: Well, we DID go there (they said “Hi” to Jenna), but then we didn’t go home…

Emma: Right. So, then we thought maybe we were going to the…

Chloe: the puppy park, because it was a nice day, but…

Pooka: it was a very, very long ride…

Emma: ya, but we didn’t mind…

Emma, Chloe, Pooka: we all slept for most of it…

Pooka: But at the end of the ride…

Emma: Let me tell…

Chloe: No, I want to tell…

Pooka: I’m the oldest, I should get to tell…

Emma, Chloe, Pooka: WE GOT TO SEE JENNA!!!!

Emma, Chloe, Pooka: WE GOT TO SEE JENNA!!!!

Emma, Chloe, Pooka: WE GOT TO SEE JENNA!!!!

Emma: I saw her first…

Chloe: No, I saw her first…

Pooka: It doesn’t matter who saw her first, she picked me up first.

Emma: But, I saw her coming from her dorm…

Chloe: No, I actually saw her first…

Emma: Me, me, I did, I did…

Chloe: No, I did…

Pooka: It doesn’t matter, she picked me up first…

Emma, Chloe: That’s just because you’re old…

Pooka: Hey, who you calling old? I’m not even 13…

Emma, Chloe: Right, only for a few more days, oldie...

Emma: Well, I still saw Jenna first…

Chloe: No you didn’t…

Pooka: Let’s just tell the rest of the story.

Emma: We had to walk up three floors, THREE…

Chloe: But that was ok, because Jenna was there…

Pooka: It wasn’t difficult for me, because Jenna was carrying me.

Emma: And, there were all kinds of new…

Chloe: smells, lots of smells…

Pooka: Jenna smelled good…

Emma: but no snacks on the floor, that was kind of disappointing…

Chloe: but, it was still different…

Pooka: It was nice for Jenna to carry me.

Chloe: And, then we got to the top...

Emma: I wasn't sure I was going to make it...

Pooka: and then went into Jenna’s room…

Emma: and, then we went to Jenna’s new room…

Chloe: and, saw Anna, her roommate. She’s really nice…

Emma: …really nice…

Pooka: …yep, she’s really nice. And, Jenna was still carrying me.

Emma: She’s kind of stuck on that…

Chloe: …whatever…

Emma: But, you know what?...

Chloe: I know, you’ll never guess…

Pooka: …ya, what was up with that?

Pooka, Chloe, Emma: Jenna’s room was SO CLEAN!

Emma: Do you think something’s wrong?

Chloe: No, it’s probably the law there…

Pooka: Maybe someone comes around and says “clean up your room”

Emma: when there are clothes on the floor…

Pooka: I like to lay on the piles of clothes on the floor…

Chloe: Maybe they say “God damnit” like Mommy does…

Pooka: I think it’s because she has to share a room…

Emma: with Anna—she’s really…

Chloe: …nice.

Emma: I sniffed under…

Chloe: …me, too, I sniffed all around Jenna’s…

Pooka: …room, me, too.

Emma: Quit interrupting me, you guys!

Chloe: But you interrupted us, too.

Pooka: Ya, Emma, you're such a buttinsky.

Pooka, Chloe: BUTTINSKY!

Emma: That’s not nice, you guys, I was just excited to see...

Emma, Chloe, Pooka: JENNA! WE GOT TO SEE JENNA!!!

Emma, Chloe, Pooka: We miss Jenna.

Chloe: But, Jenna looks really good.

Pooka: And I liked her cool clothes.

Emma: And, she looked happy when I saw her first…

Chloe: No, I saw her first…

Pooka: But, did she pick either of you up? No, she picked ME up, so it doesn’t matter who saw her first.

Emma: And, then we got to go into another room…

Chloe: With two other really nice girls…

Pooka: Bronte and Dakota. They’re really nice.

Emma: And, then we went back to Jenna’s room…

Chloe: And, it was really clean…

Pooka: And, there weren’t any clothes on the floor for me to climb on…

Emma: And, then another girl came by to say Hi…

Chloe: And, she was really nice, too…

Pooka: And, then a boy came by—I don’t like boys…

Emma: But, he seemed nice…

Chloe: EVERYONE seemed nice…

Pooka: They liked to pet us, and then we…

Emma: left our dog hair on their clothes, and …

Chloe: on the rugs, and floor, and…

Pooka: all over, so Jenna doesn’t forget…

Emma: us, but she wouldn’t forget us, because…

Chloe: she has our pictures on her wall, so that must mean that…

Pooka: she loves us, but she loves me most because she picked me up, so there…

Emma: nuh uh, she doesn’t love any of us more…

Chloe: I think she loves us all the same, but I saw her first..,

Emma: No, I saw her first in the parking lot…

Pooka: But, you guys, what’s important, who saw her first, or that we all ...

Emma, Chloe, Pooka: …GOT TO SEE JENNA!!! WE GOT TO SEE JENNA!!!

Emma: I wish we could stay with Jenna …

Chloe: in her new room, but I don’t know how we’d get on the…

Emma: bed, I know, it’s so high, and…

Pooka: I’d never jump off it—I don’t even jump off Mommy’s bed…

Chloe: But, I can jump on Mommy’s bed,

Emma: Me, too…

Chloe: But, Jenna’s bed is too high.

Pooka: And, there weren’t any piles for me to climb on...

Chloe: But, that doesn’t matter, because, if I could…

Emma: I’d stay with Jenna…

Pooka: me, too…

Chloe: that’s what I was going to say…

Chloe, Emma, Pooka: We’d all stay with Jenna if we could!!

Pooka, Chloe, Emma: We miss Jenna!!! But, we’re glad she’s having fun…

Pooka: But she could have fun at our …

Emma: house, I know, she could have fun with us at…

Chloe: our house, but remember she went to college…

Emma: I thought it was cauliflower…

Pooka: No, it was collage…

Chloe: No, college—school for grown-ups.

Pooka: But, Jenna’s not old…

Emma: like Mommy…

Chloe: but you don’t have to be old like Mommy to go to college…

Emma: cauliflower…

Pooka: collage…

Chloe: C-O-L-L-E-G-E!!! But, if Jenna were home, she’d cuddle…

Emma: and take us out in the afternoon…

Pooka: and let us sit with her on the couch…

Chloe: and give us Cheetos!

Pooka: I love Cheetos!

Emma: I LOVE CHEETOS!!!

Pooka, Chloe, Emma: WE MISS JENNA!!! BUT, WE GOT TO SEE JENNA!!!

Pooka, Chloe, Emma: But, we still miss her.

Emma: But, she has so many nice friends…

Chloe: And, Mommy says she likes her classes…

Pooka: glasses? Jenna doesn’t wear glasses…

Emma: no grasses, Pooka, grasses, you know, like what we pee on…

Chloe: C-L-A-S-S-E-S, where you learn stuff.

Emma: Learn stuff?

Pooka: I like learning.

Emma: Me, too.

Chloe: You don’t even know what that means, Emma…

Emma: Well, I like it anyway…

Pooka: Me, too, because it’s what Jenna does...

Chloe: Did you see how clean her room was?

Emma: I know, do you think they make her clean it every day?

Pooka: Maybe they have glasses on that.

Emma: Grasses, Pooka.

Chloe: No, C-L-A-S-S-E-S

Pooka: Jenna picked me up. I liked that.

Chloe: Jenna picked me up, too and gave me a kiss.

Emma: Me, too. She picked me up and kissed me, too.

Pooka: Me, too.

Pooka, Chloe, Emma: WE SAW JENNA!!!

Pooka: (sigh)

Chloe: (sigh)

Emma: (sigh)

Pooka: Chloe, Emma: We miss Jenna.

Pooka: (sigh)

Chloe: (sigh)

Emma: (sigh)

Pooka, Chloe, Emma: We hope she’s having fun…and, that we get to see her again soon.

Pooka: (sigh)

Chloe: (sigh)

Emma: (sigh)

Pooka, Chloe, Emma: But, WE GOT TO SEE JENNA!!!

We see dead people

It's 7:15 pm. Ghosts have been hanging out in the front yard for at least 15 minutes. Pooka hasn't stopped barking. Chloe whines, wags her tail, and scratches at the front window expecting the ghosts to come to the front door any second. Emma, well, Emma alternates between being mildly excited and thinking about whether she can take a bite out of their legs. Mom let us out into the front yard to prove to us there's no one there. Silly mommy. She doesn't see the dead people in the front yard.

We'll report back later. In the meantime, we remain vigilant and will continue to pug (because we're not men) our post. Waiting for the ghosts.

Bring it on, bitches!

So, we're walking down the street today, minding our own business, doing our own business, when our rival gang starts barking at us. No problem, we think. They always bark (they're like us when we're inside or on the deck--they bark at EVERYTHING that moves). We got this handled, we think. We're tough, we outnumber them, we're bigger than they are, and we're PUGS, dammit! Besides, Mom's there to protect us. Then, all of a sudden, they're running down the hill. On the STREET side of the fence. Waaaaaat? Dachsunds outside the fence? Without a leash? Waaaaaaaaaaaat? Their owners weren't in sight. Mom shortens our leashes and has the brilliant (NOT!) idea that she'll just pick them up (ya, right, like we're going to let her pick up two other dogs while we have to walk--dachshunds no less!) and take them home. As we get closer, the bitches (they're girls like us, so we can call them that) start barking louder. We ignore them. Well, not really. We don't bark, but we do start pulling Mom towards their yard. Then, out of nowhere, the big one flies off the curb and lunges at us. Waaaaaaaaaaaaat? With her teeth bared. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? Bitch! Then Mom sees their Mom who is surprised they're on the street side of the fence. More bitchy barking. The smaller one starts to retreat. That's right, bitch, run away--she knows we'll take her on. Besides, we have the best defense--we'll have Emma SIT on her! Bitch. So, their Mom and Dad round the corner to come rescue their bitchy butts, when they decide to put on a show. To prove how tough (NOT!) they really are. So, the big one lunges at Emma again, almost biting her face off. Now, of course, Emma is an expert at biting off faces (after the incident which shall not be mentioned lest Pooka try to return the favor). So even though Mom THINKS the leash is locked, Emma lunges back at the bitch. That's right. Watch out, bitch! Thankfully for the bitch her Mom scooped her up before Emma could lock onto her face (Emma was just confused as to how to do it, since the bitch has such a long nose and we're not used to noses, at least to grab on to). They get their sorry bitchy butts carried away, while getting yelled out. Ha! But, before they go inside, we give them the LOOK, and let it be known...It is ON. It is SOOOO ON, BITCHES! We'll be waiting for you...

What is college?

Mom says Jenna went to college. We're not sure what that means. We have some ideas, though.
- Sounds like cauliflower. That sounds yummy. I'd eat that.
- It starts with the same three letters as 'colt'. I bet it's a horse. I hate horses.
- You two are idiots. If she "went" there, how could you eat it or how could it be a horse?
- I know. It sounds like collard as in collard greens. I'd eat that.
- It kind of sounds like collage. Maybe it's a group of horses. I hate horses.
- I think I'd like college. I might be a defect dog, but I am smarter than people think. I'd take a philosophy class.
- Classes? Do they have classes about food? I'd take a class in food. Especially if I got to eat everything.
- I wouldn't take an art class. I bet all the girls would draw horses. I hate horses.
- I don't think I'd do my homework, though. Just think. And socialize. I'm good at that.
- Maybe there's a class in different kinds of animal droppings. They're yummy. I eat those.
- I wouldn't take a vet class either. I wouldn't want to work with other dogs. Or cats. Or rabbits. Especially not horses. I hate horses.
- You two are idiots. I'd also take a class in deviant behavior. Because, well, I don't like to do what I'm told.
- I know. I'd take geology because that has rocks and I like to eat rocks.
- Do you think Jenna had to ride a horse to get there? I hope not. I hate horses.
- Maybe when we go for a ride in the car, Mom will take us to visit Jenna.
- I hope so. I miss Jenna.
- Me, too. I miss Jenna, too.
- Me, too. I miss Jenna, too.

We love you, Jenna. We hope you're having fun at college, where ever and whatever that is...I could eat and let you know...I bet it's some kind of horse. I hate horses...You two are idiots...